Balanced... as all things should be

I know, I know, please don't cringe at the title. It's still relevant. Right?

But actually when you think about it, it is really kind of deep. I am confident that Marvel and Disney were like, "This is going to be awesome wiping out half of the population," but I mean there was probably some thought behind it.

I'm not here to talk about the quote in regards to its movie though, of which I thought was a bit overrated, but that's for another time.

I'd like to discuss what it means to be balanced. But not in a deep, methodical, or analytical sense at all. Just on a surface level. Because at some point in everyone's lives, they look back at an event or anything that happened just 5 minutes ago, yesterday, or even years ago and wonder: "What was I thinking? How did I live my life like that?"

I'm confident there is some scientific name for this, but I couldn't tell you to be honest. However, what I can tell you is that every night, right before I fall asleep, all of these awkward and painfully wincing memories come to haunt me. And the worst part of it is that I dwell in these memories. Probably not a great thing to do, but it's because I wonder, "How could this have gone any better?" Maybe I was talking to someone and said something completely out of place, or just straight up stupid. Or maybe I just played an awful game of League of Legends and figured that I could probably have done something more productive.

You're probably wondering, "If it was in the past, just learn from it and move on." And you're completely correct. I should just move on, and never, ever, ever dwell on it. But I can't. For example, when I was a senior in high school, my Pre-calc teacher (that's right, I was in pre-calc because I can't do math) told me at the end of the year, "Peter, have a great time in college!" Very typical, and completely normal. Like my response should have easily been like a simple "Thanks," or "I will!" But instead my mind went to the races. I got sweaty palms and said, "Thanks, you too..." Hmmm. After saying this, I realized that I had done a big mistake. I mean it wasn't rude or anything but I was just like, "That last interaction could have gone better." Luckily she just smiled and I quickly walked outa that room.

So. This is why I dwell on these memories. I mean to be honest, I mostly just thing about how to counter someone's point if they come at me, but that's not any fun. Going back to that story, I could have said something better and I have yet to make that mistake again. I mean sometimes when the waiter says, "Enjoy your meal," I almost slip and say "You too," but I refrain from even moving a lip.
I've learned from this mistake and in a very surface level sense, became more balanced. Okay, honestly, this had nothing to do with being balanced, but more of a life lesson. Sorry for the clickbait if you made it this far... but the moral of the story kids is that it's not wrong to dwell on the past, as long as you can make up for it in the future. Okay, not even that, but as long as you learn from it and are able to accept that the past is just the past. Until next time.